Triumph Street Triple

Triumph Motorcycles India: Dude, what the fuck?

“Here are the keys to your very own Street Triple, have fun! Oh, I forgot to tell you, the bike you just bought by taking a life-threatening loan is just a piece of crap as compared to what you thought you were buying. We tried telling you by giving this invisible little disclaimer that says we don’t really give a shit, but you were too stupid to notice. Good luck now, and don’t forget to go fuck yourself!”

I’m sure many of you are aware of the Triumph detuning fiasco by now, how the British company kept selling amazingly underpowered bikes to unsuspecting Indians for about a year, while washing their hands off any responsibility with the help of a tiny little disclaimer. The issue was brought to light on the Team-BHP forum by a Street Triple owner, and the news was then subsequently picked up by all mainstream websites.

The problem has been under the limelight for about a week now, and Triumph India can’t even be bothered to give an official statement. Overdrive yesterday confirmed the detuning, specifically of the Street Triple model. Other bikes affected are the Bonnie, and the Daytona, which both get about 8 hp power loss. The worst hit are the Striple owners, who now own a ~9 lac bike with the power figure of a ~6 lac bike.

The first question that comes into the mind is WHY THE FUCK? I don’t understand what was the need to do this, why not tell people right from the beginning what they are paying for. Of course, the Street Triple, which is the second most popular model for Triumph, wouldn’t have sold even a single unit if people knew they were paying for a blowjob but got only a lousy head massage in the end.

I have no idea, at all, how such a huge blunder could have been made. Something went very wrong somewhere in the management. Why the hell would Triumph wait for a year before telling everyone? How much cost saving could possibly have been done by copying the European website and brochures, especially when the Brazilian and Japanese figures are more or less the same?

Most importantly, why was the Street Triple so brutally raped, then left to die in the jungle, then violated some more over the course of the next few months, and then finally its dick and balls cut off?

The Triumph Street Triple, the bike that I’ve been vigorously jacking off to for the past 3 months, the bike that I was almost certain to buy come March 2015, has been converted from a 105 hp macho-8-pack-abs-17-inch-cock-guy to a 79 hp cross between a fat-gay-guy and a chicken. I can’t even begin to imagine what Indian Striple owners must be going through. One guy got the delivery of his bike the very day the news broke. I don’t know how they already haven’t burned down the nearest Triumph dealership, and their impostor of a Striple with it.

To make things clear, 79 horses is a lot. Hell, I have never even been able to use the full 44 horses on my Duke 390 in the 1 year and 30,000 kms that I’ve owned it. But that’s not the point here, at all. The point is that you can get a Kawasaki ER6n which makes 72 horses, arguably looks better, and has an exponentially better service network, by spending about 350,000 rupees less. The point is that Triumph continued to sell the 79 hp Striple by deceiving people with the 105 hp figure plastered all over the website and brochures. The point is that Triumph lied, and is now trying to get away with it.

Dear Triumph India, you just carefully inserted a dynamite stick up your anus, waited for a year, and now have set it up on fire. Good luck exploding!

UPDATE: There have been some stupid suggestions about the Striple’s power going back to normal by just putting on the Arrow, and “slapping on” a PC5. How can a slip-on exhaust and a power map possibly increase the power by 30 freaking horses? How much brain does it take to see that it’s physically impossible? 

Let’s assume for a second that it is possible, that you can spend about 100,000 bucks more and “upgrade” your Street Triple back to its formal glory. Why the fuck would you? All you would end up with would be an out of warranty 675cc motorcycle with the price tag close to a liter class machine, and a giant burning hole in your heart.

Imagine a guy who spent the past 9 months lusting and physically drooling over the Triumph India website. All he thinks about is the Street Triple, day in and day out. He watches fly-by videos, reviews, looks for accessories, configures the bike in his head, and has wet dreams of that 3 cylinder crackling. He finally can’t control it anymore, sells off his Duke 390, takes some money from his friends, takes some money from his parents, takes a loan on top of that, and books the Triumph Street Triple. 

After an excruciatingly long waiting period of 3 months, in which half of his nails and half of his hair are gone, he finally gets to rub his ass on the Striple’s seat. He takes it home, washes it, makes sweet love to it by the fire, and then sleeps peacefully by its side. Next day he wakes up to find out he has paid all that money for a machine that essentially makes about as much power as a ~3.5 lac cheaper bike. He finds out that he was robbed in daylight.

If that wasn’t enough, Triumph remains silent for over a week, then gives out a mechanical, arrogant, outright boring statement that does nothing but makes things worse. On top of that people suggest you to spend a lac more on the exhaust and the ECU map, just so that you can get what you thought you already paid for. 

I don’t know about you, but if that were me, rather than changing the exhaust and slapping on a PC5, I would prefer to rent a bulldozer, raze the nearest Triumph showroom to the ground, then jack off on the rubble one last time, before putting the Striple in there and setting it all on fire.

29 thoughts on “Triumph Motorcycles India: Dude, what the fuck?”

  1. I was also hoping to get one of their bikes one day but now “Go fuck yourself Triumph” !!! And by the way, why do these white english-speaking skinheads always think that they fuck with us without worrying about retaliation? God knows what else they’ve decided to remove from their bikes for us unworthy pest-infected Indians? Earlier I used to be wary of the japs but now if you ask me about my next bike then it would be either japs or KTM, plain and simple.

    1. Being a happy KTM owner, I can tell you they are the best! Dirt cheap bikes, dirt cheap maintenance, vast service network, and crazy fun.
      Oh don’t worry, these white english-speaking skinheads are going to get more than what they bargained for. Legal action will definitely happen.

  2. We need some legal actoin, these europeeans shoukd now know that indians are not the ones to mess with! Fuck you triumph i loved the street triple before.. You just ruined everything!!

      1. Yes they did Vijay, and legally speaking they may get away with it. I just hope the law understands the deceptive methods used by them and penalizes them accordingly, the riders will penalize them anyway 🙂

      2. They will not get away with a disclaimer, I can assure you that. The disclaimers are feel good factors if it can be established that Triumph did misguide their customers. A lawyer with even some basic skill can rip them apart on this ‘disclaimer’ defense.

  3. I was so happy to see the all new Triumph showroom near my home in Kolkata… It even connected with the people with its huge banner saying “Nomoshkar Kolkata, We have arrived”. It was a nice gesture. However when I read about them detuning their bikes, it was very disappointing. Looking forward to a legal action against them.

    1. How does Z800 have a lower ground clearance than ST?Is that a typo? If you are at all considering ground clearance as a factor in your purchasing decision, Striple should be the first one off the list. Weight is agreed.

  4. Even I was considering getting a Triumph motorcycle and when I came across this detuning controversy; it was and is a huge disappointment. How can these mo^%^%f&^%*ers practice this type of malpractices while selling customers their bike. The sales person sent me the wrong info too plus they’re not even ashamed of their actions.

    I have now changed my list of consideration for getting a more powerful superbike. If I ever have to buy a Triumph then its better to get it imported directly from U.K and get it serviced in India.

    I’m “NOT” buying a Triumph for a very long time now.

  5. Heard Triumph is busy offering freebies to existing ST owners. Nothing brings joy to an average Indian than freebies. Matter resolved desi style. My two pennies not many have the skill to handle a 100 horses. True Triumph duped its buyers but I think its the egos of the 100 horses buyers which were hit than their wallets.

    1. Yeah. The freebies are grossly inadequate in my opinion, but then I’m not gonna say anything more about Triumphs when their owners don’t really seem to have any problems!

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