valentino rossi

Rossi in MotoGP until 2167, time-traveller confirms

Barcelona:

As the news of Rossi’s 2021 contract with Petronas Yamaha made headlines this weekend, a unique source has shocked the MotoGP world with the information that Rossi will continue to race for the next 147 years at the minimum.

This surprising story was revealed by leaked interrogation tapes of Philip Fry, a time-traveller who mysteriously spawned inside Area 51 last month. A few excerpts from his interviews are below:

Valentino Rossi? Oh yeah he was still there the last time I checked in the 2167 championship, second in the title race to Motobot no. 93 and just ahead of Motobot no. 27. From what I remember his record was like 6000 something podiums, over 1000 wins, but still only 9 world championships.

He raced in those 2 stroke and 4 stroke days didn’t he? Yeah then he raced in the electric series, then the nuclear one, and by that time I think he was like 75. But because of global warming, most of Europe was underwater by then, I mean they tried to keep racing at places like Mugello, but if you crashed, the sharks in the gravel trap could cause some serious injuries.

When in 2059 WW3 happened between Monster and Redbull sponsored countries, most of the remaining landmass on earth was destroyed. So they constructed a track on the Moon, and because of the lower gravity even grandpas like him could race like hell. Then I think when he crossed 100, he had his brain surgically implanted directly inside a robotic motorcycle, he should be now on version 14.3 or thereabouts.

When asked for comment, Rossi had this to say:

For sure I’m very happy to hear this. Racing is what I’ve done since I’m 2 years old, and it’s great to know I have a 150 something seasons more to go in the future, even if I exist only as a semi-sentient machine with some Michelin rubber attached. All I can say is I push very hard until I enjoy racing MotoGP bikes, which may be until the eventual thermodynamic heat death of the universe thousands of trillions of years from now.

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