16 motorcycle hand signals that every biker must know!

A few weeks ago, the mighty and the benevolent Gods of motorcycling at Ixigo posted an article titled 16 Hand Signals Every Biker Should Know Of, along with that brilliantly beautiful Facebook caption “Ride or die, remember?”. It was written by someone called Shewali, whose description was “She is mostly travelling; if not blabbering or gorging. That’s all folks!”.

OK then.

What better way to improve your riding skills than to follow advice from an article on a website that has nothing to do with motorcycles, written by someone who probably hasn’t ridden one ever.

The moment I read that shit, I knew I had to fuck with it.

No biker needs to learn ANY kind of hand signals, ever. Let me tear through the possible situations where you might need to use these idiotically unnecessary movements, and then tell you how and why you need to get the fuck out of that situation.

Situation 1: You are riding with a bunch of retarded cunts

The first situation in which you might need to tell the bikers following you to take a right turn with your arm, when you could do the same thing with your fucking indicator, is if you are riding with an ungodly conglomerate of shitheads. These are the kind of people who can’t tell apart a motorcycle from a litter box, and must be stayed away from at all times as far as possible.

Action to be taken: Get the fuck away from them and get a life.

Situation 2: You are a self-important ass-licker who loves telling others what to do

The second situation in which you might need to tell the bikers following you to turn left, right, speed up, slow down, spit or swallow, occurs when your father never loved you and your mom never loved him. You find pleasure in herding around a group of shitty sheep-humans, finding faults in their every action, and making them lick your balls.

Action to be taken: Ride off a fucking cliff and die, because you suck.

Situation 3: You are riding with such a giant horde that you are afraid of everyone crashing into your ass

The third situation, seen quite commonly with these so-called “brotherhoods”, happens when you, in a misguided attempt to become a biking celebrity cum attention whore, call on whoever the fuck has 2 wheels and a beating heart, to join you in that public rape of everything that’s good and holy about motorcycling, and you attempt to use these hand signals to stop these dicks from penetrating your behind.

Action to be taken: Refer to situation 2.

Ride solo. If you can’t, ride only with people you trust. Motorcycling is not a team game, it’s an intensely personal experience. All these hand-signals seem to do is take that pleasure away from you, forcing you to share it with a bunch of people you don’t even give a shit about. When you ride with dudes you believe in, intelligent dudes, dudes with personalities, they don’t need to be TOLD what to do, they see you, and they know.

In any case, always remember:

Orgies are great, but nobody gives you an orgasm like you.

Thanks for the legal notice Ixigo!

27 thoughts on “16 motorcycle hand signals that every biker must know!”

  1. That was intense as fuck and I totally dig the brotherhoods part. I HATE IT. I HATE IT MORE THAN I LOVE RIDING SOLO!! Half the people, wait, 95% of people who do those rides don’t even know the meaning of brotherhood. Fucking bunch of hermaphrodites just causing noise and sound pollution and unwanted accidents

    Good read though.

  2. I saw that post earlier but never had any possible imagination that you would fuck this up like a crack whore. Well, you made me proud, mate.. 🙂

  3. and i use to feel guilty when i cudn’t appreciate dis biker “brotherhood” inspite of my love for biking. biker brotherhood seems like religious brotherhood to me….illogical. how can i assume every one wid 2 wheels and engine between legs as my brother when i dont have a clue about dere riding etiquette. if u race with ur pathetic bikes on streets honking like ur ass is on fire widout any regards to safety and rights of others..dan fuck u..and ur brotherhood.
    coming to main topic…
    do this ..do that ..lists copied from western articles widout using any decimal of there own IQ.
    hand signals.. seriously… u want me to leave my clutch hand, in face of a near hazard ..just to give you some pervert hand gestures… left right indicator to follow hota nahi indians se theek se hand signal dilwaoge…
    simple thing is
    if u need to rely on such hand gestures from rider ahead of u..dan u r already riding dangerously close ..get back simple.

    imported bike riding tips from a nonbike website by a nonbiker….funny

  4. Dude!! you are so right…..I always thought of why the hell are those things needed in the first place, I mean every bike has indicators, a brake light, that should be enough for the rider following me to know, if at all he is really “paying attention”, it looks so unwanted and more like an attention seeking problem or like a know-it-all snob!!!!

  5. Oh my fucking god. I “DO” have an erection. Maybe the cocksuckers on the road may want to help with that..

  6. So basically what you did is take a direct piss at the existence of Harley-Davidon riders, their groups, their brotherhood and their culture.

    Actually you took a piss on Mr Willy G. Davidson’ s face.

    I have never seen a metaphor more epic than this.

  7. Hey Akhil,

    I cannot describe in words the happiness I felt when the random attempt to reach riderzone.in didn’t got redirected to some ‘domain for sale’ page and your actual website got opened.

    I almost thought that I will never get to read those gems ever in my life.

    Eagerly waiting for the rest of the old articles and new ones too. Your review of the Mojo’s twin exhausts is still fresh in my mind. Also would like to read the guides on laddakh trip. And the ‘worst shit in my life’….that was on another level!

    Keep writing!
    Wish you best of luck!!

  8. Hi Akhil. Where have you been? Welcome back. Nice article by the way. Please do post your earlier articles. Do you still ride your Duke 390?

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