In a sudden turn of events, popular automotive forums are being mobilized to plan ritualistic mass suicides, as news broke that Suzuki is thinking of a 250cc version of their Intruder motorcycle.
The Intruder 150 has long held the Guinness World Record for the ugliest object in existence, and the fear of a more costlier version of the same rolling down in front of their eyes has forced a large number of bikers into taking such drastic measures.
Team-bhp, the famous temple for car and bike lovers, was thronged by members complaining about Suzuki’s idiotic business strategy, and even the squids at Xbhp have managed to stop talking about K&N filters for 5 fucking seconds to focus their limited attention on this impending disaster.
Here’s what one of the commenters had to say about the situation:
I was once walking down the road with my son, when suddenly an Intruder 150 passed by. After looking at that spawn from plastic hell for less than 5 seconds, my son immediately died.
It took a superhuman effort from me to not kill myself as well, because if we’d both died on the footpath, stray dogs could’ve come and licked our faces.
It’s hard for me to believe that some company would actually want to sell such a weapon of mass destruction, and more so that people actually bought it. But in the memory of my son and countless other innocents who died like him, I will spill my intestines in front of Alex Rins before I allow the Intruder 250 to be sent to production.
Another comment captured the spirit of these protests as follows:
The Intruder 150 looks like a fat ostrich with polio. The Intruder 150 looks like God photoshopped the body of a lion on the legs of a chicken. The Intruder 150 is everything a motorcycle should not be, slow, overweight, and uglier than an 83 year old scrotum.
If the 250 version of this nightmare is ever released to the public, I will travel to Japan and set myself on fire in front of the Suzuki HQ with 97 octane petrol.
We reached out to Suzuki for a comment on this public unrest, but received no response. We will update this article as soon as we hear from them.
To support our award-winning journalism, meet me behind GB Road tonight at 1 with 5000 Rupees and some ganja. Come alone.