BANGALORE: In a surprising move, all major automotive journalists today announced that they’ll boycott any future KTM motorcycle launch events, unless KTM promises to hold them exclusively at the Buddh International Circuit.
This comes in the aftermath of the 390 Adventure launch, held at a rugged off-road venue near Pune, 19-Degree North. Embarrassing leaked videos of the reviewers crashing willy-nilly into the surrounding bushes is thought to be the reason for this extraordinary decision.
When asked for comment, Mr. Mody had this to say:
Look, this is all KTM’s fault. Why the hell did they send us to that hellhole to test this motorcycle? Not only did they have the balls to imagine that we could actually ride a bike off-road, they even brought in a bloody “expert” from Australia to make us look even worse.
I mean if all of us desi people had been crashing together, unable to climb halfway up a slight incline, it would’ve been just like old times. But to then allow us to be mocked by a foreigner, who later posts the whole fucking thing on Youtube? That is unacceptable, and KTM needs to be taught a lesson.
Mr. Chatterjee added to the above:
This is like my 9th grade Science exam all over again, the whole KTM event was like an out of syllabus question paper. I mean sure I’m paid to ride motorcycles, but that doesn’t mean I have to put in any efforts to develop the skills that’ll help me do my job properly, right? It’s all just plain ridiculous.
We have given the ultimatum to KTM, we don’t particularly give a shit what you’re launching, if you want us to review it, take us to the Buddh Circuit. We know that place well, there are no steep rocky sections to deal with, and it’s very easy to take a wheelie photo that makes it look like I actually know what I’m doing.
To get the other side of the story, we reached out to KTM for a few words:
We clearly overestimated the abilities of these guys, didn’t we? On the day of the event, one of the journalists came to me and asked, and I’m not joking here, “Why is it called 390 Adventure when it’s actually supposed to be an enduro bike?”. I had to spend 45 minutes trying to explain to him what an enduro bike was, that this wasn’t an enduro bike, and nobody had claimed it was so.
While they were being stretchered off the trail to the nearest hospital, most of them kept babbling about spoked wheels and adjustable suspension, that they would’ve made it to the top if only the gearing was slightly shorter, and gravity slightly lower. It was painful to watch them try to handle rocky sections while sitting on the seat, no wonder so many of them blacked out after hitting their testicles on the tank too many times.
The 390 Adventure was launched with a suite of electronic and mechanical features, including traction control, cornering ABS, ride by wire, and a quickshifter.
On one side in the sharply divided biking community, there are people who believe all these features are unnecessary, and KTM should’ve improved other items instead. On the other, there are people who’ve already bought the 390 Adv, and are trying to ride as far away as possible from the first kind.