honda cb350

RE stock crashes as Honda launches 350 that’s not a total piece of shit

Delhi:

In a move that has left moto fans reeling with surprise, Honda launched their new single-cylinder CB350 motorcycle yesterday. Priced at a very competitive 1.9 lacs ex-showroom, the news of this new release sent the Royal Enfield stock price plummeting to the floor.

With 20hp power, 30Nm of torque, 180+ kgs of weight and a 15 liter fuel tank, the bike will be a direct competitor to the existing 350 lineup from RE, and also against the upcoming Meteor 350.

We reached out to CEO of RE Mr. Dasari for comment:

Things are not looking too bright for us at this moment if I’m being honest, what Honda has launched in the CB350 could very well kill our market share in the sub-500cc cruiser segment.

It’s got a similar underpowered engine, heavy overall weight, and priced as a direct competition for our 350 range, but the major difference is that unlike our bikes, the CB350 could possibly cover more than 100 kms without disintegrating into a million little pieces.

We easily dominated the market in this segment because we simply had no direct competition, but now that a well-established brand like Honda has launched something that’s slightly better than the total piece of shit garbage metal badly welded together that we sell, who will buy it anymore?

Not only have Honda provided selectable torque control for those with more money than brains, they have even given a second “H’ness” name to their bike which will certainly appeal to that part of the homosexual community who found our overly macho “Bullet” brand too gay.

We at RZ support any way that increases the choices available to the biking community, even if it’s a half-assed attempt by Honda to corner some easy market share.

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One thought on “RE stock crashes as Honda launches 350 that’s not a total piece of shit”

  1. Every few fucking months I google search ‘Akhil Kalsh’ and I either see this site or don’t. I get really excited when it does. Hope you keep churning out awesome work without having to ever turn this thing off.

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