Disclaimer: After reading this article, if you still need to read this disclaimer to understand that this is a piece of satire, a figment of my imagination, an exercise in fiction, you should seriously consider slashing your wrist with a chainsaw, or at least not having sex for the rest of your life because of fear of transmitting your stupidity germs to your unfortunate unborn child.
Delhi: The Government of India today filed a case against Mahindrra Two Wheelers for delaying the production of its much awaited bike, the 300cc Mojo. The Copyright Infringement suite slapped on the Indian auto major shocked and surprised many industry experts, since this is the first of its kind incident in the history of India.
The Mahindrra Mojo, an ill-fated concept motorcycle, has been undergoing testing in India since like a fucking eternity now. The bike was expected to be launched some 2 years ago, but even till today continues to be an object of speculation and ridicule. Test bikes have been found all running all over the country, from Mumbai to Ladakh, but the real thing still continues to elude everyone just like a female orgasm.
A press conference was arranged earlier this afternoon, where bigwigs from all parties gathered together cutting across political and religious lines. Ruling BPJ’s spokesperson Karish Hurana had this to say:
As most of you must be aware, the Government of India has filed a copyright infringement case against Mahindrra motorcycles. The reason for this legal action is Mahindrra’s deliberate delaying of its long awaited Mojo motorcycle. The Government, all political parties and politicians wish to send this message across India that such blatant duplication of our methods and practices will never be tolerated.
It’s OUR basic human right to make false promises to the public, then keep them hanging onto hope for years on end, while doing nothing even remotely useful all along. We’ll soon table a bill in the parliament outlawing such outrageous theft of our intellectual property. All efforts will be made to trademark and patent these methodologies as well.
Wrongress spokesperson Thashi Sharoor added:
This appalling lack of ethics shown by Mahindrra will not go unpunished, we’ll make an example out of them to make sure no other individual or corporation ever attempts to rob us of our livelihoods. It’s the duty AND the right of us politicians to guarantee clean water, good roads, uninterrupted electricity and other such bullshit to the stupid common folk during election time, only to rape, murder and rob them till it’s election time again. This is our job, our motivation, the reason we live for, and no one can steal it away from us.
Former railway minister and RDJ supremo Yalu Prasad Padav shared his thoughts:
Aaj e budbak Mahindrra ne waada kiye lekin kauno nibhaye nahi. Aisan chalat rahe to kal koi aur gapak se aisan kiye gaye, aur fir gau mata hiyan jaegi paani maan. Tani fir kauno humka chutiya bulaba? E topicwa par maatha khapane se kuchchho nahi hot.
(TRANSLATION: Today Mahindrra decides to make a promise and then not deliver on it, tomorrow it will be someone else, and before you know it everyone will be an evil-blood-sucking-vile-parasite like us. What will we politicians and the Government do then? No one will need and hate us anymore. This is a vicious attack against the secular and democratic threads that make our great nation, and will not be tolerated.)
Wrongress vice-president Gahul Randhi echoed the thoughts of his arch rivals, or attempted his best to:
Women empowerment has always been the number one priority of Wrongress party. Women empowerment is the need of the hour, and by God we will empower each and every women in this country, even if they don’t want to be empowered, or are like totally allergic to empowerment. Women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment women empowerment. And to conclude, RTI.
Gahul Randhi was then forcibly removed from the dais for being an inexcusable-dim-witted-lousy handjob.
Mahindrra motorcycles refused to make a comment since the issue is sub-judice, and also because they don’t have the least shit of an idea what the fuck is going on. The automotive giants in India, and almost all other industries as well, have woken up to this rude shock, and only time will tell if they will start giving a paralyzed-rat’s-tiny-hairy-ass about the common man.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, things, corporations, motorcycle manufacturers, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.