The day I came back from Bhutan, I resigned from my job. It was NOT a tough decision at all, despite that fact that I’ve enjoyed 4 years here and big plans were bring made to send me places. I’m now about a month into my 90 day notice period, and can’t wait to fuck off from here. This may have been a life-changingly good decision, or a life-threateningly stupid one, considering the fact that I don’t have any job in hand, and no plans to get one either.
I had one of those moments in Bhutan, the ones you see in movies where the protagonist finally understands his purpose in life, flips over his desk, punches his manager, strips naked and walks out the door. I of course, could not be that dramatic, but I remember that thought in my head, that one thought that brings clarity to everything:
This is how life is supposed to be!
The day I came back to office after spending 20 days on the road, I nearly vomited at the sight of these well-dressed, well-educated, well-groomed people sitting in their tiny little cubicles, typing away some shit on their computers, mumbling something pointless into their phones. Since everybody, including me, have been a part of this idiocy for so long, we have almost forgotten how things are really supposed to be! I personally don’t believe I was born to spend the first 20 years of my life studying shit, the next 40 working like shit, and the next 20 dying like shit. But it’s so hard to not believe that, such is the grasp of this system on our collective imagination.
When you are a kid, everyone encourages you to be whatever the fuck you want to be. But the more you grow, the more you keep getting pushed into a corner, with little or no options of escape from that predetermined destiny. The real objective of life, which is to truly live it, keeps getting postponed by one thing or the other, until you are lying on your death bed, pissing into a bag, shitting into a bowl, and begging to be killed.
I have done better than most people to keep the dream alive! I travel a lot, write a lot, and always try my best to do whatever the fuck I want to do. Trust me, it’s not easy, but I guess that’s also the biggest motivation. When everyone says don’t do that do this instead, every cell in your body pushes you to do what everyone says you shouldn’t. I’m frankly surprised I am writing the 200th article on RiderZone, and totally baffled why so many people read it!
RiderZone gets more than a 100,000 views a month.
And that’s kinda outrageous! This website is nothing more than ramblings of my deluded mind, and yet people seem to like it. I think they like it because I’m doing what they always wanted to do, maybe my words give them hope that someday they can also give the middle finger to society and run away laughing hysterically into the forest.
I always imagined I could survive on the popularity of RiderZone alone, with the advertisement revenue and the general goodwill. However, with my kind of writing style, almost nobody sends me free stuff to review. 100,000 views a month translates to a hilarious 3500 rupees of income, which is not even enough for 3 proper meals a day! I always imagined RiderZone will be my ticket to freedom, but looks like I may have grossly overestimated the value of internet popularity.
It’s OK, all it means is that I’ll need to struggle some more, postpone the insanity for just a little later. But does it? As hard as it may be to believe, I have a girlfriend, one that I would very much like to marry sooner than later. However, it is highly unlikely that any girl’s parents would be even remotely inclined to gift their daughter to an abusive, jobless, homeless, irresponsible, unpredictable, sociopathic blogger, with a yearly salary package lesser than most people’s monthly pay! This means that I desperately need to start looking for a job, and stop ejaculating this load of donkey cum all over the screen.
The story will go on, and I’ll not give up! It’s really hard to live life just for yourself, no matter how selfish you are. Most of the times you crush your dreams for others, and that’s OK. That’s NOT my plan though, but that original idea of becoming a wandering motorcycle hobo may not really come to fruition, not anytime soon for sure. I’m scared that by the time I’m ready, it will be too late, but what the hell, we’ll see how it goes.
So yeah, even though I hate the IT life, looks like I’ll go running back to it as soon as possible. Society wins this bout, but there are many more to go. On the bright side, that money does pay for my shenanigans! Having said that, I’m still hopeful something will come up that’ll let me use my creative potential to make enough money to stop depending on useless corporations for sustenance. I’m good with words, good with pictures, and learning to be good with videos. If you have any ideas, I’m all ears 🙂
Happy to see myself slightly less frustrated against the time I wrote the 100th Post! The story goes on.