Mumbai: Widespread reports of sorrow, uncontrolled weeping, and random suicides are coming in as Suzuti today announced the discontinuation of its highly loved motorcycle, the Inazuna. First reported by Zigwheels, the news soon spread like wildfire, triggering spontaneous but peaceful candlelight vigils all over the country by distraught bikers.
Citing the unviability of selling the 250cc twin-cylinder motorcycle at the current price point, the Japanese auto giant has confirmed the bike will no longer be sold in India come March 2015. This news has come as a rude shock to millions of Indian motorcycle aficionados, who just loved the shitty power, ass-heavy weight, and fuck-all pricing of that ugly looking piece of duck vagina.
Launched in Jan 2014 at an eye-wateringly hilarious price tag of 3.1 lacs (ex-showroom Delhi, LOL), the price was slashed by a lac after 6 months, to push the sales figures out of single digits. That didn’t work either, and only 6 units were ever sold. Three of the machines were bought by museums as an example of mammoth price blunders, two sold to “bikers” who couldn’t tell a motorcycle from a bowl of Chicken Chowmein, and one owner burned it to ashes minutes after taking delivery, just for giggles.
Hundreds of thousands of emotionally broken riders gathered on Carter Road, Bandra, hugging one another, weeping violently, and holding hands together to form a giant human chain of sadness. Similar scenes were witnessed all over the country, from Guwahati to Ahmedabad, and Delhi to Kochi. Here’s a video totally of the weeping Indian bikers, not in any way connected to Koreans or stuff:
Our brave correspondent fought back his own tears to interview a fellow biker, who had this to say:
My life is over, I have no reason to live anymore. Why Suzuti WHY? I had just about saved enough money to buy the Inazuna, against everyone’s advice. Some said go for the Duke 390, others said go for the CBR250R, everyone said go for anything BUT that black piece of overpriced cat poo. They were even prepared to totally finance my purchase if I bought anything but the Inazuna. But I just fell in love with that outdated styling, that unnecessarily hefty weight, and that joke of a price tag. Why am I even alive?
This distressed biker then flung himself in front of a speeding Bentley, got caught under the hood, and was dragged for a good 500 meters before his head fell off on the pavement, and the lifeless torso got impaled on the divider. Fellow bikers then picked up his remains, and ceremonially immersed them in the sea, from where they drifted till Band Stand and scared two tongue-bathing lovebirds by the beach.
Such gory suicide cases are being reported from all over the country. Today is indeed a sad day for Indian riders, a day of unprecedented misery, suffering and anguish. We bikers have long been neglected by big motorcycle manufacturers, and even now that trend continues unabated. All we can do is hope that things change for the better in future, that we are treated with respect like western riders are, and not like that yellow pus oozing out an infected butt blister.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, things, corporations, motorcycle manufacturers, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.