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Beat the lockdown by riding entirely in your imagination!

Bangalore:

In these troubled times ravaged by the virus, a lot of bikers are feeling trapped inside their homes, unable to scratch the itch for that long ride. Those who do risk going on a trip are sometimes stopped and harassed by the cops. The only option seems to be to watch your unridden bike slowly rust into nothingness.

But a Bangalore startup may have the ray of hope everyone’s praying for.

MindRide, an initiative of IIT/IIM alumnus Rajeev Kapoor, aims to help you hack the lockdown away by allowing you to take that beautiful, long-distance trip completely in your mind.

We reached out to Mr. Kapoor directly for more information:

As a biker myself, I understand the frustrations we’re all facing in these tough times. The idea for MindRide had actually come to me many years before, when as a child my dad used to beat me with his belt because he thought I had made all those holes in it. My mother would lock me up in the garage as punishment for pissing off daddy once again, and also for the bed wetting.

Over the years of unending torture and suffering, I spent hundreds of hours sitting on my dad’s Bullet and imagining that I was actually taking that dream ride from Kashmir to Kanyakumari, or exploring the beauty of North-East India. As my abilities developed, I did long Europe trips, had adventures in Africa, and became the first person to ride across North Korea as well.

Now is the perfect time for me to allow others to use my techniques, free themselves of the Covid trap, and who knows, maybe if I help enough number of people break the chains of isolation, the constant nightmares will end and daddy will love me.

MindRide provides bike and rider specific trips to practically any location in the planet, and you can even request a custom adventure based on your particular fetish. All you have to do is sit back in a relaxed position in the comfort of your home, close your eyes, and let MindRide take you for a ride.

Below you can see a couple of the available choices we picked up from their website:

1. The “Rider Mania” (Rs. 999 per ride):

With this offering, MindRide provides you with the following items to enhance your imagination and add to the dream:

  • Selection of different Royal Enfield motorcycle sounds that constantly play in the background, with different levels of wind noise based on helmet choice
  • A MindRide employee is sent to your home, and he periodically throws hot engine oil on your legs to simulate breakdown issues
  • Live bees and other insects are gently placed inside your mouth for that open-face helmet feel
  • The MindRide employee unloads a bucket full of dust on your head to signify your entry into the Rider Mania festival
  • He also periodically punches you in the face and stomach for that authentic festival excitement
  • The employee leaves you in peace after injecting horse tranquilizer directly into your bloodstream to give you the blackout-drunk experience

2. The “Superbiker” (Rs. 29,999 per ride):

Live that lifelong dream of riding a liter-class screamer through India with these add-ons:

  • Realistic background sounds from all your favorite big bikes, be it the Hayabusa, the CBR1000RR, or a ZX-14R
  • A MindRide employee is dispatched to your home and he constantly whispers in your ear that you should go faster or everyone will know how microscopically tiny your penis is
  • He uses a baseball bat to randomly break your leg or arm for that authentic crash experience*
  • The employee then leaves you alone after setting your house on fire, as you dream of revbombing the shit out of your beloved machine until it goes up in flames

A large number of bikers are taking advantage of these introductory prices, and the reviews have been absolutely positive. We spoke to one of the users for their opinion:

Oh it was great, I took the “Ride for a Cause” pack and it was just unbelievably fantastic experience at less than half the price of a real ride!

MindRide provided me with the wind noises and the exhaust sounds for a Thunderbird, but on top of that they sent in a psychologist to help me develop an unearned sense of superiority over others, and the belief that my enjoyment of an essentially meaningless activity will somehow make other people “aware” of well-known problems in our society that people far more intelligent than myself have spent years unsuccessfully trying to solve.

The cherry on top was that they applied for an India Book of Records certificate for me and I just received it today. I now hold the record for the most entitled piece of shit garbage human being to ride from Mumbai to Pune while wearing pink underwear. Thank you MindRide!

We at RZ wholeheartedly support MindRide, anything that keeps people the fuck indoors has our seal of approval. Stay tuned as we explore the impact of this revolutionary new way to ride on the biking community. And as always, support our high-quality journalism by getting a tattoo of our logo on your left buttcheek.

*MindRide shall not be held responsible for accidental death by beating with a baseball bat. Please read all offer documents carefully before riding.

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