Auto industry recession good for India, Govt. insists

New Delhi: With the automobile sector firmly in the grips of a recession, and no signs of any future improvement, the finance ministry today reversed its position from providing a stimulus package to the ailing industry, to claiming that the slowdown is a well-planned policy decision that’s tremendously beneficial to the country.

In a press conference called earlier today, Ms. Sitharaman gave us the details of why all the auto manufacturers going bankrupt would be a good thing.

Our country has a long record of being pioneers in the automotive sector, since pre-historic times. While Jesus walked around on his 2 feet like a dork, our Gods rode proudly on bulls, elephants, and occasionally small rats.

Even our bad guys were super tech nerds, Ravana didn’t carry Sita to his kingdom in a puny 80 horsepower Santro, did he? No, he had an aircraft. Do you realize how innovative Ravana was? He developed an aircraft when petrol, jet engines, and toilets didn’t yet exist.

Our current manufacturers have just not lived up to such expectations. We as a country deserve better than Activas, Splendors, and Bullets.

By forcing the manufacturers into massive losses, we hope to kindle real innovation, and not just these silly electric vehicles that need more charging than Chinese pube trimmers.

With the shrinking market share of these big brands, small players will also get some space to shine.

I’ve been told that Patanjali has already trademarked the iPushpak name, and we can hope to see a flying prototype using Ramdev’s beard shavings as fuel within 2020.

The honorable minister then went on to provide some additional advantages of the manufacturing sector collapsing like a Mumbai building in rain.

Look at it this way, when there won’t be any new bikes and cars to buy, people will be forced to use public transport, or travel by foot. The first will hugely increase Govt. revenues, and the second will contribute massively to Modiji’s #FitIndiaMovement.

It’s like killing 2 birds with 1 stone, when the stone is also a bird, but one that you really want to murder.

Also, all the 3-4 lakh people who’ve lost their jobs in the industry should just go ahead and setup their own factories. We will provide them startup capital under the #MakeInIndia initiative, but only if their business plan is based solely on constructing Hindu mythological vehicles that run on some sort of sacred animal excrement.

We reached out to an auto industry spokesperson for a comment, but he only mumbled like a child while cleaning some brown stains from his pant with a bottle of Bisleri.

One thought on “Auto industry recession good for India, Govt. insists”

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