Are influencers setting unrealistic standards for nation’s squids?




After the recent shocking episode of an Insta biker being arrested for riding close to 300 kph within city limits, a new video has surfaced of a Youthuber running from the cops and then posting a confession of stupidity on his channel.

In both instances, these self-proclaimed social media influenzas have been thoroughly criticized by the biking community for destroying their collective public image and police perception. But a new wave of protests against these so-called superbikers has emerged from the unlikely source of India’s squid community.

The Association of Nation’s United Squids sent out this press release to all media outlets:

We the squids just want some goddamn attention, that’s why we do that weird left right thing on our Activas, that’s why we drill holes in our exhausts, that’s why we race with people who have no idea we’re racing with them.

But these social media personalities constantly make us look like we aren’t stupid or ignorant enough, and we feel this unbearable pressure to do things that even we believe are unbelievably idiotic.

Why is it no longer enough to ride triple on a Pulsar 220 while dodging in and out of traffic? Why must we ride a 1000cc machine at max speed through city streets?

Why is it no longer enough to just enjoy the feeling of center stand scraping on busy roads at night? Why must we try so hard to make everyone believe we’re not using superbikes to hide the existential pain of being an anal belch?

Why is it no longer enough to be a silly youngster making mistakes? Why must we become grown men who run away from the police, then post evidence of that publicly, and confess that they were riding on public roads at speeds ranging from 150 to 250 kmph, while simultaneously trying to sell an obviously scam game and plugging for some random chick’s Insta so she can sell more shampoo?

We strongly oppose this cultural appropriation of our core values and customs, we will not be pressured into being more moronic than we already are.

These superbikers have set new, unacheivable standards for being an infected dick, but we will fight their negative influence on our proud traditions. No matter how much money they throw at being foolish, we squids will forever hold the title of the dimwits of Indian roads.

We at RZ strongly believe that these “influencers” have the total right to keep posting video evidence of their own transgressions, especially if that evidence influences the cops to fine them and impound their motorcycles.

We must also value and be concerned for our lovable squid community, these superbikers are forcing them into being something they are not. Let’s not allow peer pressure to change these young dickheads from individual cancers, to the viral epidemics that are our influencers.


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  1. Alex

    Akhil, this needs a bit more of your satire here. I am from the era where you used to write “people park their cars on the Lonavla highway and go into the trees to masturbate” haha

    1. AK

      Lol, yeah those were some fun times.