450th post, and other ramblings

AK

AK

Modern art annoys me, I think it’s the total lack of effort combined with monumental amounts of arrogance that gets me, like that nosebleed on a white board selling for €41500.

So I thought I’d use the same ideology for the new site design.

Behold, the new RZ, more difficult to consume in every possible way. It already didn’t have any social media presence or subscription feeds, now you can’t even search the bloody site or navigate it properly.

Usability can suck my balls.

But I like it, after a very long time I’ve found a theme I’m happy with. I mainly like it because it’s going in the opposite direction to every other mainstream website. They have ads, autoplay videos, cookie reminders, newsletter popups, notification prompts and subscription options. I have words.

If I see a lot of people heading in one direction, I have an uncontrollable urge to run the opposite way. This theme helps me do that. Is it a bit over the top? Sure it is, but it’s extremely OCD satisfying, to have a site with 0% frills.

450 odd posts in 8 years doesn’t sound very impressive, and it isn’t. I can’t seem to be able to publish more than 1 article a week, max, most of the time that rate is more like 1 article a year. But this theme also helps in writing only what needs to be written. The ultra minimalism infects everything.

2020 has been one of the worst years of my existence, but that’s all relative. In the worst year of my existence I got to keep my job, play lots of wonderful video games, and travel to Europe. Not everyone was this lucky. But then again, the human condition demands that I not give a single shit about anybody else’s troubles, my problems are absolute, and they consume my entire universe.

Mental health was the main problem I had to face in 2020, like a lot of other people I imagine. I have never really been troubled by it before, I work very hard to keep my brain happy, read lots of books, play interesting games, travel. I’ve always been able to control the negative side of my emotions before they were able to overpower me. The pandemic fucked it all up, completely.

This mostly happened because Covid forced me to stay away from waifu for about 8 months. We’ve never been apart for more than a few days over the last 10 years or so, so that sucked, because I love her and stuff. Also, no matter how hard I worked to shore up the mental defenses, the negative tsunami was able to just waltz over the sea walls.

In 2020 I came to the realization that things are not as good as I thought they were, and more importantly, I’m not as good as I thought I was.

As any article on this website will tell you, I have a very high opinion of myself. My arrogance is so high that when I realized that I’m arrogant, my first reaction was “who gives a shit that’s someone else’s fucking problem”.

The reasons for my superiority complex are many, and difficult to discuss in a short article, but I don’t particularly mind it. In life a little bit of arrogance is necessary, if you behave as if you’re entitled to something, in many cases you just get it. Plus my lack of assertiveness more than makes up for me being a dick, I think. I’ll probably try and tone it down a bit for other people’s sake, but don’t hold your breath.

In the end, the world keeps turning. I hope to pick up a motorcycle soon and get back that feeling of simplicity and freedom.

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