16 motorcycle hand signals every biker must know!

A few weeks years ago, the mighty and benevolent Gods of motorcycling at Ixigo posted an article titled 16 Hand Signals Every Biker Should Know Of, along with that brilliantly beautiful Facebook caption “Ride or die, remember?”. It was written by someone called Shewali, whose description was “She is mostly travelling; if not blabbering or gorging. That’s all folks!”.

OK then.

What better way to improve your riding skills than to follow advice from a website that has nothing to do with motorcycles, given by someone who probably hasn’t ridden one, ever.

The moment I read that shit, I knew I had to fuck with it.

No biker needs to learn ANY kind of hand signals, ever. Let me tear through the possible situations where you might need to use these comically unnecessary movements, and then tell you how and why you need to get out of that situation.

Situation 1: You are riding with a bunch of idiots

The first situation in which you might need to tell the bikers following you to take a right turn with your arm, when you could do the same thing with your indicator, is if you are riding with an ungodly conglomerate of shitheads. These are the kind of people who can’t tell apart a motorcycle from a litter box, and must be stayed away from at all times as far as possible.

Action to be taken: Get away from them and get a life.

Situation 2: You are a self-important cunt who loves telling others what to do

The second situation in which you might need to tell the bikers following you to turn left, right, speed up, slow down, spit or swallow, occurs when your father never loved you and your mom never loved him. You find pleasure in herding around a group of sheep-humans, finding faults in their every action, and making them lick your balls.

Action to be taken: Ride your motorcycle off a cliff, kindly.

Situation 3: You are riding with such a giant horde that you are afraid of everyone crashing into you

The third situation, seen quite commonly with these so-called “brotherhoods” and “rides for causes”, happens when you, in a misguided attempt to become a biking celebrity cum attention whore, call on whoever has 2 wheels and a beating heart to join you in that public rape of everything that’s good and holy about motorcycling, and you attempt to use these hand signals to stop these dicks from penetrating your behind.

Action to be taken: Refer to situation 2.

Ride solo. If you can’t, ride only with people you trust. Motorcycling is not a team game, it’s an intensely personal experience. All these hand-signals seem to do is take that pleasure away from you, forcing you to share it with a bunch of people you don’t even give a shit about.

When you ride with dudes you believe in, intelligent dudes, dudes with personalities, they don’t need to be TOLD what to do, they see you, and they know.

Thanks for the legal notice by the way Ixigo!

5 thoughts on “16 motorcycle hand signals every biker must know!”

  1. Hi Akhil. Where have you been? Welcome back. Nice article by the way. Please do post your earlier articles. Do you still ride your Duke 390?

  2. Hey Akhil,

    I cannot describe in words the happiness I felt when the random attempt to reach riderzone.in didn’t got redirected to some ‘domain for sale’ page and your actual website got opened.

    I almost thought that I will never get to read those gems ever in my life.

    Eagerly waiting for the rest of the old articles and new ones too. Your review of the Mojo’s twin exhausts is still fresh in my mind. Also would like to read the guides on laddakh trip. And the ‘worst shit in my life’….that was on another level!

    Keep writing!
    Wish you best of luck!!

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