I’ve been fascinated about this since quite a while, and the interest was rekindled at the India Bike Week 2015. Watching these cunts enter the arena on their 20 lac Harleys wearing only a tight, black, sleeveless leather jacket with a bunch of patches on it made me wonder if I was entering a motorcycle festival or a BDSM fetish party.
Have you ever felt that drop in respect for a fellow motorcyclist when you see him ride in a T-shirt and a chaddi? Have you ever had these facepalm moments watching such show-offs make a fool of themselves on public roads? Have you ever experienced the contempt and the hate for these irresponsible bikers?
Why does it matter if somebody is wearing a helmet or not, or boots, or jacket gloves pants for that matter? It’s not like his disregard for his own safety affects your life in any way, or does it? Fuck India, even the American Motorcycle Association always tries its best to make sure no mandatory helmet laws are ever passed on their soil.
But then why do we still feel that way? Here’s my dissection of this problem, and the answers I think explain this weird phenomenon.
1. They are always just show-offs:
Have you ever seen a helmet totting, fully protected, properly geared good for nothing show-off? I haven’t. The urge to redline your bike till the engine disintegrates seems to have a rather strong connection with the need for grabbing public attention. These Kardashians of the motorcycling world may be able to afford these big bikes, but they definitely don’t deserve to.
Biking is an art, and it’s disgusting to see someone whore out on two wheels. Bikers hate non-geared bikers because most of the second kind isn’t the least bit interested in doing ANYTHING even remotely related to biking. They molest their machines for the charisma that comes with being a rider, and that’s all they care about.
2. They endanger themselves and others:
While going to Bangalore from Goa last week, I came across an interesting sight just around Tumkur. A pre-pubescent fart on an RX-100, with a pillion, was popping wheelies in the middle of the highway, which a triple-riding bunch of buttlickers on an Activa were filming on their phones. None of them were wearing even shoes, and I clearly remember somebody wearing just a vest.
Yes they were too young to understand what they were doing, yes they had too much testosterone in their system to realize how stupid they looked, yes.
Such behavior generally comes to people who don’t really understand how dangerous 2 wheels can be. They pull such stunts oblivious of the hazard they are putting themselves and the others around them into. It’s almost always a direct consequence of the show-off part, but such idiocy makes bikers hate such “bikers” even more.
3. They embarrass the whole community:
Ask your parents what they think of your biking friends. Mine hate them all, the entire motorcycling culture too. They don’t see the point, don’t understand the need, but get this, their reason for such unwarranted abhorrence is not people like you or me, it’s always that joker on a Dio that they saw crash into a truck, or that moron on the Pulsar who cut them off in traffic, or that imbecile on an R15 who launched into a Chaat shack simply because he was too fast on the turn.
It’s easy to remember the bad stuff, not so easy for the good one. People remember the experiences they have with such nincompoops on the highway, and that generalizes their view of the entire kind. What makes things worse is the fact that for every well-behaved rider on the road, there are 500 fools jacking off, ejecting their sticky goo willy-nilly.
4. They die:
This is, by far, the most important reason why I personally detest other non-geared bikers. I don’t really care how much attention-seeking antics these people execute, or how much others on the road hate me for their actions, and I’m capable of keeping myself safe no matter how hard someone else tries, but I have no control over their death, and the subsequent news stories that my parents read in the papers.
22-year-old crushed under a crane with his motorcycle up his ass.
Biker dies after dropping 1000 feet off a mountain with no parachute.
Motorcyclist loses life after attempting to have anal sex with hot exhaust.
While I was having that soul-touching conversation with Gavin about the biking culture in India, he said something really meaningful to me.
Back in the 90’s, there was none of this ATGATT bullshit! We rode shitty little bikes wearing nothing more than shitty little clothes. But you know what’s they difference between our generation and yours? We didn’t die.
And I couldn’t agree more. People used their brains in the past, now it’s all just #YOLO madness. I would like to show to my parents that bikers really value their lives and attempt to stay safe in every conceivable way, but that’s not what the news reports.
Statically speaking, motorcycles are far more dangerous compared to cars, and we understand that. We also understand that just wearing riding gear isn’t going to save your life. But there’s nothing you can possibly say your dad when he puts his finger on another grisly death story of a biker and asks you to stop being a kid and get a fucking car.
So yeah, the next time your brain fills up with rage watching one of these nipple-pubes dance around in front of you on the highway, think of the reasons why you shouldn’t punch them in their throats, break their necks and send them sliding face-down towards certain death. If you can’t find any, for the love of all things holy, go ahead.