Twat Sports staff sues whore for unfinished blowjobs

By | August 22, 2016

New Delhi, 22 August 2016

In a shocking development, the entire staff of popular sports channel Twat Sports today filed a class action suit against an unnamed prostitute for giving blowjobs without orgasms. The lawsuit alleges that the slut was hired for entertaining the employees during working hours, and deepthroated them at multiple times during the day, only to get up, spit in their face, and walk away a few seconds before the climax.

The distressed staffers staged a protest march from GB Road to Rashtrapati Bhavan, where many of them were reported to be in tears while furiously stroking their manhoods. A candlelight vigil was held in front of their main office in memory of all the unspent sperm who could’ve been floating happily inside someone’s stomach, but were still trapped inside hairy black balls.

A press conference was held later in the evening, where the spokesperson for the employees released the following statement:

“We at Twat Sports firmly believe that everyone should always do their job well, for no other reason but because they are being paid for it. This is exactly why we have a strong corporate culture of spontaneous orgies, company-wide penis fights, and surprise butt fucking with cricket bats, while randomly changing sports feeds from one channel to the next, and sometimes shutting them down just for fun.

We hired this whore in confidence that she’ll deliver what she promised, sloppy blowjobs that end with cum in throat. We even paid her entire year’s fee upfront, and she assured us of a good time. 

Following our proud company tradition of 2 PM rim jobs and 4 PM flash group sex, the prostitute arrived at 5 PM, and immediately caused massive raging erections all over the building. As she went around the cubicles cupping balls, stroking dicks and slapping butts, we knew she was worth all that money.

By 5:15 PM, she was going down on our CEO, whose moans of pleasure could be heard till the next city. What followed next was probably the most shocking moment of my life. His moans turned into high-pitched dolphin like sounds, by which we understood that he was about to finish. Just at that moment there was total silence, followed by a loud spitting sound, and then we watched her come out of the office and move over to our head of marketing.

Some of the employees went into the CEO’s office, only to find him crying profusely and hitting his erect penis with a tire iron. He had to be hospitalised immediately, where doctors confirmed it as a severe case of Dryjizzindickemia. His condition is stable but critical. 

The whore wasn’t done, she went on to commit the same barbaric act to all our senior managers, team leads, and even the janitors. Half of our staff is in the hospital because of this woman, and the other half is walking around in a filthy office with giant boners that never go away. This is completely unacceptable, and we demand justice for all our super hard dicks and aching blue balls.”

When one of the reporters questioned the spokesperson about the irony of the situation regarding Twat Sports cutting off the MotoGP feed just seconds before the red lights went out, he was confused.

What MotoGP? We only have cricket on Twat Sports, and some old reruns of footb…. *secretary covers mic and mumbles in ear* We have MotoGP? Why have I never seen it? What the fuck is MotoGP?

In any case, that’s all irrelevant, who gives a shit about a bunch of retards going around in a circle right? All we love and all we care for are grown men hitting, rubbing, and licking a small hard ball, while randomly shoving wickets and bails down each other’s throats and butts. That entertainment right? That’s the only sport on this entire fucking planet, and nobody can change that, NOBODY.

The spokesperson had to be forcibly removed from the dais after he started shouting random expletives while pleasuring his asshole with a cricket helmet.

When contacted by our reporters, the prostitute initially didn’t respond for hours, and then sent the following reply:

Apologies for the inconvenience. You can watch me finger myself live at twatsports.com.

This only enraged the employees even more, as many of them tried to rub each other out by watching the live feed, only to find that it wasn’t working either due to some random error. There were numerous rumours of smashed desktops and angry mosh pits inside their office after this development, due to which Police had to be called in to subdue their raging erections.

Twat Sports employees are now demanding their money back from the slut, plus damages incurred due to the emotional and sexual distress they had to go through. The filthy stinking whore has ignored all requests till now, and it looks unlikely that things will change for the good anytime soon.

Disclaimer: After reading this article, if you still need to read this disclaimer to understand that this is a piece of satire, a figment of my imagination, an exercise in fiction, you should seriously consider cutting your head off with a screwdriver, or at least not having sex for the rest of your life because of fear of transmitting your stupidity germs to your unfortunate unborn child.