Why we love Rossi and hate Lorenzo

By | September 1, 2015

Mr. WhoreGay Lorenzo, as he is popularly known around certain circles, finished 4th yesterday at Silverstone, as The Doctor pulled yet another insane race to finish on the top, with Marquez crashing out rather unceremoniously in the rain hit GP. You can find the results and analysis and shit anywhere, I prefer Asphalt&Rubber for all my racing nutrition.

Rossi has been around since like forever. Lorenzo and Marquez have risen to the top these last few years only, but since as long as I can remember, I’ve hated them both, and seen a lot of others do the same. I don’t know why I hate them, hate is a very strong emotion, especially for something as irrelevant as a sport, but hate I do, from the bottom of my heart, for very different reasons. 

I hate Lorenzo because he is such an arrogant little son of a bitch. Every time he wins, you should see him dancing, showing off. Every time he loses, you should see his excuses.

If it’s not mosquitoes, or helmet lining, it’s fog. What it’s not is a mistake, or the fact that others were just better, no sir.

All his moves seem scripted, his expressions, his talks. Same goes for his racing style. Give him clear space up front, and he’ll ride like there’s no tomorrow. But even the slightest bit of fight seems to deflate his balls right out.

I hate Marquez because he is just too bloody talented! That little prick came into MotoGP, and won his first 2 championships, with such complete and total dominance that it was just boring to look at. He seems to be always on the edge, yet able to find half a second on anybody else if required.

2015 has been rather unlucky for him, his pushy moves haven’t really worked out that well. He is more or less out of the championship contention after yesterday’s slide, but I think we all know that’s not going to stop him from doing something crazy at Misano.

But the most important reason why I hate Lorenzo and Marquez, is Rossi. There’s something about that dude that makes you wish everybody else would just crash into each other at turn one, leaving VR46 to wheelie his way for the next 20 laps into the glorious sunset.

Every time you hear him talk, he is like a fucking kid in a candy store. Every race is like the first one, it feels like he is living a MotoGP version of 50 First Dates, every kiss is a first kiss.

There’s something about that dude that commands respect, makes you emotional. Unlike Marquez, he never makes slimy moves, and unlike Lorenzo, he admits his faults and gives credit where it’s due. Nobody is too big for him, and he is not too big for anybody.

But you know what, the fact is that even if he makes slimy moves, or behaves like a dick, or comes to my house, rapes me and murders my family, it’ll still not take me more than 5 seconds to forgive him.

  • Rob Comerford

    your gay

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  • Rahul P

    I’m a MotoGP follower too, from around 2007 quite regular. Now I can’t say I am the most unbiased, rational man out there, but I am suggesting that exactly.

    Rossi fanboys are like religious zealots. They can see only one god, and any other god is a threat to their god, who must be insulted, dissed and shat upon at any given opportunity. Whether they win or lose, Rossi’s contemporaries can never get out of the hatebook. It’s like talking to a Bible-thumper about evolution, while they blindly insist on 7 days of creation, ignoring the dinosaur bones and anything that shatters their world-view.

    No, more like the Rossi fanboys come across as hormonal teens seeing
    their first porn film and going into mutual masturbation/cock-sucking
    orgies in a hormonal frenzy. Similar to what shameful stuff menopausal aunties do at
    hen nights to buff male strippers, but with a lot of more juvenile energy.

    If they crash – god Rossi made them crash.
    If Rossi crashes – they ride too aggressively, those jerks !

    If Rossi wins in the wet races, the others are cowards tippy-toeing around the track fearing a crash.
    If Rossi crashes in the wet, or falls behind miserably – there must be problem with the bike/tyres.

    Every excuse for Rossi not winning – and he’s been in a parched desert from 2010, his last title being in 2009. Looks like all the godliness couldn’t get him to win on a Ducati, while puny mortals like Stoner, Dovizioso and Iannone can get podiums with greater frequency than the god himself.

    So, I was and am, a Rossi fan (not fanboy, mind ya). I didn’t like JLo early on, he was reckless and crashed often. I hadn’t followed the 250s/Moto2 , so any history from Moto2/Moto3/125s/250s was irrelevant to me, I watched only a few 250s races. When Marquez came to MotoGP class, I read some friends rave about his awesomess from the lower classes and how he’d evolve MotoGP.
    Well, he did. 2013, he won like 13, or 14 races of 18 ? In his debut year. Whoa there.
    2014 was harder, JLo put up a strong fight, but MM93 won anyway, fair and square. Hats off. 2015 didn’t go well for him, for his riding style being more akin to ‘can-ride-anything-fast’ Stoner, I thought he should have been on top, but apparently MM isn’t as ‘ride-the-bull-by-the-horns’ brave as Stoner. JLo did his best and took 2 cups, 2010 and 2012.

    And Stoner. That man could ride anything fast, and win. Sure not all the time, he crashed out too often, marring his consistency, but he rarely languished at the back of the pack. He’s the rider I miss most, and will miss even after Rossi retires. The Rossi mutual masturbation/cock-sucking club couldn’t handle the humiliation Stoner meted out on their god on the cursed, ill-handling Ducati that Stoner could take to the podium over and over. So they resort to infantile tantrums and insults, calling him moaner and what stuff.

    • Akhil Kalsh

      I somehow never saw Stoner as awesome as some others do.

    • husain81

      The article is about their riders. And not their fanboys. Every sports person has true decent fanboys and retard fanboys.

  • Dhawal

    Woah! Now that was a hard one!

    Please allow me to explain this one.

    Let me start with Lorenzo. Back in 2008, I am not sure whether you were watching MotoGP or no, but Lorenzo as a kid on a racetrack won, crashed, won, crashed and ultimately realized that winning is fun and crashing isn’t.
    The amount of crazy crashes Lorenzo’s had, his character on the race track only reflects how much he has changed from being a rowdy nutcase to the most consistent rider on the grid.
    He defines the saying ‘ You have to be young and stupid to be old and wise’

    The MotoGP grid is filled with riders with their own specialties.
    Rossi : Adaptation/ Control
    Marquez: Aggression/ Crashes
    Lorenzo: Concentration/ Consistency
    Pedrosa : Inconsistency
    Dovizioso: Struggle
    Ianone: Strength
    Karel Abraham: Injuries
    Jack Miller: Crashes
    Cal Crutchlow: Lowsides/ Bad luck
    Just to name a few.

    Marquez is a genius. He rides +3 seconds when his competition is struggling, highsides/ Lowsides in the heat of the battle. Oh wait, that makes him a dumbfuck. But he has won two world championships. Won Ten races in a row. Damn, that gets him in a grey area. He is like a kid who only likes one subject in school and hates all the others, so gets full marks in one and fails in the rest. He is learning, just his third year. He’ll become more consistent sooner or later.

    Rossi: The Racing God. The living legend. Nine time world champion, on his way to his 10th title. 36 years old. winning races. demolishing competition. All that you can think of. Respect to this guy for doing whatever he is doing or has done.

    Rossi is as clean in racing as a 18 year old pornstars vagina.

    But have you seen his vs Sete Gibernau days? or his vs Max Biaggi days?

    He was aggressive, sometimes a little too much. But as he likes to say, ‘It was the last corner, you have to try’ He destroyed his competition back then and he is doing it now.
    Rossi is the benchmark for racing. He should be. He deserves it.
    But Rossi is not unbeatable. He can be beaten. Only a very few with either crazy talent or a monk’s composure have been able to beat him. It is either Lorenzo or Marquez.
    One thing I would like to specially mention here is that Valentino Rossi is mostly followed in India only because probably he is the only known rider here! He is blindly followed by most of the kids racing on the street who have probably sticker bombed their motorcycle with his ’46’

    Unfortunately my friend, your article feels like a fanboy’s letter.

    One more special mention I would give is to Casey Stoner. He is sorely missed on the grid today. And I will not say anything about him as his riding was more to be seen than spoken/ written about. Words dont do justice to Casey Stoner. So I’ll leave it as it has been a pleasure watching him ride live on T.V if not in real.

    What this comment longer than your article Akhil boils down to is this.. and ask yourself this question?

    If Marquez had gone off the track at Assen this year instead of Rossi to win the race, would you say that Rossi made a bad move or would you say that Marquez is an asshole and does not deserve the win in the spirit of racing?

    • Akhil Kalsh

      If the last line of my article doesn’t tell you that I’m a Rossi fanboy, nothing will! The entire article is meant to demonstrate my illogical devotion to that one guy, coupled with even more illogical hate for others.

      The biggest problem with this article is that I am the farthest thing possible from a track guy, and my opinion is probably the most useless piece of critique on this subject 🙂

      But then if I start thinking on those lines, RiderZone will be dead.

      • Dhawal

        Fanboy and in what a way!
        It doesnt matter if you are a track person or not, you will have to agree that Marcrash, oops Marquez and Lorenzo + a few other dudes make Rossi’s wins worthwhile to watch. I am a Lorenzo follower because of his consistency and his ability to make others feel so mortal on the bike. But I have to admit that I have found myself falling asleep a lot of times when Lorenzo’s leading a race.

        Anyway Illogical or logical. Opinion is what matters. Maybe thats why RiderZone still exists. Especially in a society where people usually piggyback on others opinions.

        Cheers,
        D

        • Akhil Kalsh

          Cheers!